Two weeks later and the deep end!

Today was,supposed to be an awesome day!!!!!! I was supposed to take the "siblings" costume shopping, get stuff for my hair if I could budget it after making sure rent and car was taken care of.... hang with the "roomate" and just clean and get life together.... that didn't happen fully. Yeah sure I got the siblings their costumes, hair stuff together, car budgeting and rent utilities together but....today didn't go as I had hoped to. I was supposed to jog as I derailed from the fitness portion of my ascending self together training, along with a nice hardcover outdoor workout. Weather was mot allowing so I did some indoor stuff, but then cam time for other things, cleaning was an utter failure, and my push hard to fail was a flop for fitness. And the fact that today I just spazzed on my roommate because no one can take a no from me more specifically him, the day just kept getting derailed. Throwing in my face of getting something not only what I wanted but needed as I had zero socks but couldn't loan the money from my account, that I had budgeted for my car to get taken care of is grounds for an argument caused because I said I couldn't afford what YOU wanted?!?! Also you lost something important and I totally understand how that is the worst feeling in the world but taking it out on everyone and then throwing in my face I got something for MYSELF something YOU said I should do more and it wasn't just a want for a Halloween costume, it was a need for daily need that just happened to fit my theme and it's like... that's wrong and unfair? I just lost it. Self control I am also trying to learn and I just couldn't. Spouting out the words I hate you and meaning them just isn't cool... it's the same guilt trip that's been used before and I just couldn't take it anymore. Sure I could have gone a different route and honestly, before that happened I sincerely wanted to buy and replace what you lost as a gift... but then all that happened made a change of heart.... trying to become a goddess and learning to pass judgment and to help others may be things I need to work on... but today just was not the day......maybe the next entry will be promising yes?!?!

No Emotions, No problem

We all have that moment in life at least 2xs where we want to turn of all emotions and not have a care in the world. When you don't care you're free right? Perhaps, perhaps not. Yes switching off emotions is very possible. But then again so is the backlash when it's all clicked back on... then what are we left with? Is it best to be a walking empty shell? Is it best to turn of care and throw caution to the wond? What emotions should one erase if not all of them? No fear of consequences, no remotes on who we do or don't hurt... there are times we want it but would we take it? Would it be worth such side effects of losing friends, family even your life? Just some rambling thoughts of mine for the day