Two weeks later and the deep end!

Today was,supposed to be an awesome day!!!!!! I was supposed to take the "siblings" costume shopping, get stuff for my hair if I could budget it after making sure rent and car was taken care of.... hang with the "roomate" and just clean and get life together.... that didn't happen fully. Yeah sure I got the siblings their costumes, hair stuff together, car budgeting and rent utilities together but....today didn't go as I had hoped to. I was supposed to jog as I derailed from the fitness portion of my ascending self together training, along with a nice hardcover outdoor workout. Weather was mot allowing so I did some indoor stuff, but then cam time for other things, cleaning was an utter failure, and my push hard to fail was a flop for fitness. And the fact that today I just spazzed on my roommate because no one can take a no from me more specifically him, the day just kept getting derailed. Throwing in my face of getting something not only what I wanted but needed as I had zero socks but couldn't loan the money from my account, that I had budgeted for my car to get taken care of is grounds for an argument caused because I said I couldn't afford what YOU wanted?!?! Also you lost something important and I totally understand how that is the worst feeling in the world but taking it out on everyone and then throwing in my face I got something for MYSELF something YOU said I should do more and it wasn't just a want for a Halloween costume, it was a need for daily need that just happened to fit my theme and it's like... that's wrong and unfair? I just lost it. Self control I am also trying to learn and I just couldn't. Spouting out the words I hate you and meaning them just isn't cool... it's the same guilt trip that's been used before and I just couldn't take it anymore. Sure I could have gone a different route and honestly, before that happened I sincerely wanted to buy and replace what you lost as a gift... but then all that happened made a change of heart.... trying to become a goddess and learning to pass judgment and to help others may be things I need to work on... but today just was not the day......maybe the next entry will be promising yes?!?!

No Emotions, No problem

We all have that moment in life at least 2xs where we want to turn of all emotions and not have a care in the world. When you don't care you're free right? Perhaps, perhaps not. Yes switching off emotions is very possible. But then again so is the backlash when it's all clicked back on... then what are we left with? Is it best to be a walking empty shell? Is it best to turn of care and throw caution to the wond? What emotions should one erase if not all of them? No fear of consequences, no remotes on who we do or don't hurt... there are times we want it but would we take it? Would it be worth such side effects of losing friends, family even your life? Just some rambling thoughts of mine for the day

Deep thinking of a princess

You know, I have been busy focusing on doing things to become something greater. The bible says man was created in his image of likeness..... it rings very true for me. I know I am not meant for this earth no matter how crazy it may seem. I am meant to be a god. I know my senses are struggling to reopen. I see, feel, think everything differently. Like when I was younger but more open and matured. It's borderline scary. Enough TO make me feel I'm going crazy. I'll be driving and say accident, and shortly after I run right into one. I say and see things, feel things, and it's just.... it's difficult to put into words. My third eye is struggling but it's opening I'm getting signs from the universe but messages are so jumbled and mixed. But the more I think about it the more I know I am like god... just worse.... maybe darker.... perhaps it's a rebellion perhaps it's insanity but who knows... I want to find out so I document correctly but it's difficult for me to do so. Seeing and feeling things before they happen or not there. Enough to put one in the crazy house. But I know I'm not. This princess is evolving. Soon I'll be queen and then.... I'll be a god. Images of past lives before and during my time on this earth takes a toll unlike any other. But I know I will be ready one way or another. Or will i? I mean.... is that why I'm going through the mental toll I am going through to prepare me? Only time will tell... this is just a blog of nonsensical ramblings because that's how my head feels right now.... a jumble puzzle trying to put itself together :/

1 week later....(and a day or two)

So it's officially been a week... (and a day or two) since I have expressed my new found freedom of titles I never really approved of. There are still some adjustments needed but things have been running a bit smoother.my head has been clearer, mot much but it's a WIP (work in progress in case you didn't know) the father of my children has even gone along with this whole thing wonderfully. The whole "borrowing" money and hanging out thing has been a trend. No labeling as a date and it feels a lot less of a burden and leaves room for a good time. Sure a date can be a good time too but I rather not do the whole affection hand holding lovers thing every time. It's fun to feel like I'm with a friend I can take on to the bedroom because it makes opening up so much easier.... perhaps it's a mentality thing who knows!!!! And yeah the money thing, couples... more specifically married has a "ours" sense of approach with money... why can't it be mine and yours? Sure finance sharing is cool and all but for someone such as myself who's had to share EVERYTHING her whole life up until now, it is a bit refreshing. Yes everything. I never had my own room, own money, even own food!!!! Yes my clothes even has been shared lol. It's a rush and a bit of a competition to see who can manage money better.... ( I feel like I'm winning thus far!) Tonight we're hanging out at Terror Against The Walls in philly and we'll see how it goes. It's a child free evening which is both exciting as well as annoyingly nerve wrecking. I am also working on my temper. As a princess it's ok to be a rebellious roommate, but a temper is anything but cute and loveable! This addition has made my journey a little more fun. Until next blog, love light blessings and happy ascending my darlings!

Unofficial officially blogged day one as roommate and big sister!!!!

Today is a school day! The kids are getting themselves ready for school so I can drop them off and pick up gas. A smile on my face a good morning stretch. They eat breakfast at school, while I have cerial or something at home. The roommate is off and sick so since I'm out I offered to buy some tea as I needed more cerial. He's going to clean, and I'm going to help when I return before heading out to work. The "siblings" appear to be happier life is good... minus the sick one. I also recommended he take a vitamin C.... but some people don't listen but whatever soooo not my problem!

HOW I WENT FROM WIFE AND MOTHER TO ROOMATE/BIG SISTER

Now let me begin I am in no way shape or form in a home separate from my family. In fact we're all together under the same roof. I'm not single either. How and why? Well honestly it originated from a joke I started when my sister and her boyfriend used to live with me. My sister has two kids herself, both boys. I have a son and daughter along with being with their father. Though we are still NOT officially married, he's still calling each other wife and husband. We've been together for roughly 12/13 years now. So anyhow, we used to all live in the same house and I'd say we're like college students the way we act but with kids... in fact let's just say they are from the big brother big sister program! We even made up majors which we took interest in for real. I was the artist who majored in dance, my sister a medical student (which ironically she has gone to school for it and finished), my husband was for video and photography and my sisters boyfriend was video game design. As fun as it was we were pretty miserable overtime. As cleaning was a major issue all around, depression, tension etc. We loved each other but couldn't deal. (Except my sister. The 3 oclf us has lived together for years i.e my hubby, her and myself) long story short we no longer live together. It's just my husband, my kids and myself. And for the past several weeks I've been bragging about how I'm the greatest roommate ever. How I have my part of rent due ON TIME, I cook, I clean etc... since my profession change life has been much better. Going around with life changes and declaration if how I'm a much better roommate (and we've had many ) I decided to throw away titles I was not fond of or didn't want. Firstly I never wanted to be a mum, I never wanted to be tied down and get married (1 out of two ain't so bad!!!! Lol) but things happened. No kids turned to one... no more turned into two. And over the years I just became more and more depressed. So today I have up the titles. Now don't get me wrong I love my kids, I care for their dad, but like many it becomes a srltrain, almost like a heavy burden. And as guilty as I SHOULD feel for feeling that way I dont. Never been the maternal type and never one for love (still not surprising to those that DON'T know me). So when I declared my new found title the kids questioned as to what to call me. They understood I am their mum just don't call me that. I said " call me sis, titi, whatever I don't care just don't be gross or rude" so they settled on big sister with excitement. Their father shrugged and stated cool whatever makes you happy. And it does. I mean think about it being in a relationship especially married is pretty much a roommate. There are people who do and don't have sexual relations with their roommates, aside from that roommates split the cost and make joint decisions as well as have time to and for themselves. We hardly sleep in the same room and it's not even on purpose. He's a gammer and I am roo. He plays downstairs, I play up. But currently only downstairs is set. So since he works mostly, he plays and when he does he falls asleep on the couch. Considering I never like sharing a bed or sleeping space at all it works out. So I will be blogging my experience as wife/mum turned roommate / big sister. A new path and already I feel free.