Two weeks later and the deep end!

Today was,supposed to be an awesome day!!!!!! I was supposed to take the "siblings" costume shopping, get stuff for my hair if I could budget it after making sure rent and car was taken care of.... hang with the "roomate" and just clean and get life together.... that didn't happen fully. Yeah sure I got the siblings their costumes, hair stuff together, car budgeting and rent utilities together but....today didn't go as I had hoped to. I was supposed to jog as I derailed from the fitness portion of my ascending self together training, along with a nice hardcover outdoor workout. Weather was mot allowing so I did some indoor stuff, but then cam time for other things, cleaning was an utter failure, and my push hard to fail was a flop for fitness. And the fact that today I just spazzed on my roommate because no one can take a no from me more specifically him, the day just kept getting derailed. Throwing in my face of getting something not only what I wanted but needed as I had zero socks but couldn't loan the money from my account, that I had budgeted for my car to get taken care of is grounds for an argument caused because I said I couldn't afford what YOU wanted?!?! Also you lost something important and I totally understand how that is the worst feeling in the world but taking it out on everyone and then throwing in my face I got something for MYSELF something YOU said I should do more and it wasn't just a want for a Halloween costume, it was a need for daily need that just happened to fit my theme and it's like... that's wrong and unfair? I just lost it. Self control I am also trying to learn and I just couldn't. Spouting out the words I hate you and meaning them just isn't cool... it's the same guilt trip that's been used before and I just couldn't take it anymore. Sure I could have gone a different route and honestly, before that happened I sincerely wanted to buy and replace what you lost as a gift... but then all that happened made a change of heart.... trying to become a goddess and learning to pass judgment and to help others may be things I need to work on... but today just was not the day......maybe the next entry will be promising yes?!?!